Stop Watering Your Weeds, Grow Your Life Instead

We explore how to stop repeating painful cycles by clearing unconscious patterns, not just talking about them. Brianna Malia shares a story of betrayal, alchemical forgiveness, and the Clear To Create method that replaces old neurology with strategies that actually stick.

• conscious vs unconscious mind and why awareness alone fails
• clearing stored emotional charge to end therapeutic loops
• alchemical forgiveness without reconciliation or access
• reverse engineering goals and activating the RAS
• values-driven choices and clean yes or no decisions
• ADHD considerations and removing homework guilt
• raising frequency to attract aligned relationships
• the Extraordinary Love Index (ELI) as a starting point
• guidance for women in their 40s on trust, timing, and resourcefulness

Go take the Ellie. Let me know what came out of that for you. After you take the Ellie, you'll have an opportunity to connect with Riana 

Check out her website at www.rianamalia.com 

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Brianna Malia And Her Work
• 3:55 Clear To Create: Core Idea
• 7:20 Conscious vs Unconscious: Why It Matters
• 12:30 From Therapy Loops To True Release
• 17:45 Brianna’s Story: Betrayal And Forgiveness
• 28:40 Rebuilding, Boundaries, And Extraordinary Love
• 36:40 Method Depth: Quantum Time Release

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:02

Hi, I'm Carlene, and this is Viva Tonight. I have with me on Zoom Brianna Malia. She is an identity architect for high achieving women, a sought-after speaker, and the creator of Where to Create Method and Quantum Pattern Protocol. And I think you have a lot to your resume in terms of the work that you do with women. So thank you so much for joining me here on Zoom. Yeah, of course. Thank you for having me. Yeah, no problem. So for those that don't understand what Claire to Create is, could you elaborate on what it is that you help women achieve? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 0:47

So I'm going to back into that just so that there's some context. So on the surface, I am a neurosomatic practitioner, and I use a combination of quantum time release, evolved neurolinguistic programming, and master trained in trauma conscious coaching. And I I only work privately with women. So that's a lot of words that nobody knows what any of that is. So what I really do is I help high-achieving women, heart-led women rewire those subconscious patterns and recode their nervous system so they can actually be clear to create the life and love that's meant for them. So my tagline has always been your very best life, right? And whether we've been besties for 25 years or we met in the coffee line yesterday, that is my wish for you. I want you to live your version of your very best life. And it's different for every single one of us. But the truth is, is you cannot go from being held back by past pain and old stories and trauma and betrayal and disappointment and childhood stuff and all the things to just living your very best life. It doesn't work that way. So we have to clear first. We have to clear the story to create the life. So many women that I work with say, I just am so tired of ending up in these same situations and I want a different story. But if you want a different story, you have to stop telling the old one, right? It's one of the things that they see the most. People just get stuck in the story. It's like a therapeutic loop. And that's a guarantee that you'll never actually move forward and you'll never get what you want. So we have to clear the cycles to create the confidence. Again, after a failed marriage or a relationship or a failed business or whatever it is, we have these stories. And oftentimes, when asked, you know, on the other side of this work, you know, what are you doing or not doing differently than you're doing or not doing right now? What will light you up? What will give you purpose? And oftentimes the answer to that question brings tears because they don't know. And there's a sense of not being able to trust ourselves, right? Because I thought I knew, and look how that turned out. But those are all those old cycles. So we have to clear those to create that confidence again and be able to trust ourselves. And we have to clear the patterns to create the partnerships. We all want aligned, genuine, wonderful partnerships, whether that's romantically, professionally, in our friendships, in our family dynamics. But when we bring all that old patterns and all that old wiring and all the old story, we don't get those partnerships. We get more of the same, which is typically what we don't want.

SPEAKER_02: 3:24

So when I hear you talk about the conscious and the unconscious mind and clarity, that makes me think of meditation and mindfulness. And I just want to know how is that different? Because I've taken a mindfulness workshop twice. And in order to get clarity to move on, how does your program work with helping me get clarity as a woman, you know, like repeating the same habits, like and changing that? Great question.

SPEAKER_01: 3:53

People ask me, you do hypnosis, do I have to meditate, do I have to journal? Nope, none of that. Here's the difference. So for anybody that's not fully aware of the difference between conscious and unconscious, I'm just going to give a little quick description in the best way that I can. So if you think about your body, everything from the neck up is our conscious mind. It is our critical faculties, it's what we everything we know makes us successful. It's our goal setter, right? We use it all day long, which means the rest of our body, everything from the neck down, is our unconscious mind, the other 90%. And why that's important is because if the conscious is our goal setter, the unconscious is the goal getter. It's the operating system. It's, you know, it's the boss. And most importantly, it is the literal library of everything we've ever experienced in our entire life. And that is all held at a cellular level. And what most people don't understand is if that's not released properly, that energetic weight that's held in ourselves, then we see things manifest in the body, like anxiety and depression, overwhelm, autoimmune disorders, illness, injury, disease. And the beautiful thing about part of this work is that we get to tap into that other 90%. Because here's the thing all of the things are beneficial, right? Journaling, meditation, therapy, talking to your friends, reading the books, it all has benefit, but it doesn't solve the problem. It's kind of like going out into the garden and plucking the top off of the weeds, and they're gonna grow right back. So we have to do it differently. We have to tap into that other 90%. Because otherwise, what happens is you make some progress, you get some clarity, you have some awareness, you have some aha's, you're like, this feels good, and then life comes at you because it always will, and you just go right back to all the old stories, the old ways of thinking, the old strategy, the old behavior, because you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. You just can't. So there's nothing, it's not about doing more. Uh, you're not broken, there's nothing to fix, but we have to tap into that other 90% so we can actually clear and rewire neurology and strategy and behavior. So the process in and of itself is we tap into a lot of that, which makes it painless and peaceful also very fast.

SPEAKER_02: 6:04

So your expertise in this work. So I now understand what you're getting at. You said it's tapping into the mind, right? The unconscious mind. So now that I'm hearing you explain in more detail how you help your clients, I'm like, wow. So I just want to know what got you into this line of work. Was there something that triggered it? Like you had a um, you know, you've been married in a person. So was that something?

SPEAKER_01: 6:34

Absolutely. So there's so many layers, right? And I think all of us have our story. Yeah, we all have, yeah. We all have our story, right? I grew up in Minnesota mostly. My parents met in Maui. I was born in Maui. They were married and divorced within two years. My father came to California. My mom and I went back to Minnesota where she was from. So he wasn't really around very much. He had another family, popped in and out. I was going off to college, 18, and he said, Listen, I never helped you. I never helped your mom. I am gonna take care of room and board freshman year. I'm like awesome, amazing. So I get to school, a couple months in, freshman year, living in the dorms, doing all the college things, and I get a call saying, Hey, listen, your bill wasn't paid and your map's done. All your loans are lost. So I had to make a decision. Do I leave school or do I tap into something inside of me that gets really resourceful? So I got three jobs, I rented a five-bedroom house, I filled the other four bedrooms, and I figured it out. Now, was it a fun college experience? Nope. But I made it work. Fast forward not many years later, I got married at 23. 10 out of 10 do not recommend your baby. Don't get married when you're 20. My daughter's gonna turn 22 in a couple of months, and she's a baby. Like funny. Yeah, wow. But again, so underlying, I wouldn't have been able to articulate that I felt like there was something wrong with me and no one else was gonna love me. But there's residue of, you know, father wounds and all of those things. So I decided that for sure, you know, I didn't, I didn't want to be an old cat lady by myself. And so at this ripe old age of 23, we got married. And, you know, a lot of it is you're just too damn young. And you just you're you don't know who you are. But all of that said, it was a pretty lonely marriage. We had our miracle child, Maddie, and and then when she was six, we separated. And I really thought, because it was such a long time coming, that it was gonna be pretty. I mean, we we talked so much about having it be like not this huge thing and just like really calm and good for Maddie and keep the focus on her. And it like the day after that mediation conversation, it just went crazy and it turned like wildly volatile and it was horrible and it, I mean, it was it was intense. And mixed mix that with the fact that even in a situation or a relationship or a marriage where you know it's not right and you wouldn't want to stay in it anyway, you still have to mourn and grieve for what you wanted for your family, right? You don't get married thinking you're gonna get divorced. You don't get married and have a child and think that you're gonna, you know, separate their their life. But so it was really intense and stressful and awful and just horrible things happened. And so about three years after my divorce, and let me let me say, like during that time, I did all the things I was supposed to do. I went to therapy, I talked to my girlfriends, I did the Brene Brown weekend workshop, like I did all the things, and again, kind of beneficial, but stayed in the story. Every time you go to therapy, you talk about it, and every time you do that, you are reinstalling traumatic neurology because your body relives it like it's happening. So my father had been in and out, he had, you know, doing whatever he's back in our lives a bit more, and he he came to visit and he said, Listen, I think it's the perfect time for you guys to move to California. Come take over this family business, come take over this business that I've started. And and I need to mention here with an asterisk that I am an island baby. I like the beach and the sunshine. So those 40 degree below zero days in Minnesota, just not for this girl. And to be honest, I was tired. So I was coaching. I was I've been in personal development forever, but I was also working and coaching with the as for the practice development for the largest independently owned oncology group in the Midwest. And raising my baby Angel, and we had horses, and you know, we lived on this tiny little farmhouse, and it was it was magical until it wasn't. So I said, Well, my mom had had a surgery to fix something in her neck, a disc, and they nicked a nerve and she couldn't lift her right arm at that point. And she did nails for a living her whole life. So she couldn't work. And I said, You know, I'm not leaving the horses, and you know, this is a huge decision. And he's like, Bring your mom, bring the horses, I'll have them transported, we'll build a barn. It's gonna be amazing and fabulous and wonderful. And let me be super clear like I knew that pit in my stomach in that moment that it was there was something not red. And, you know, at the end of the day, it wasn't even like red flags, it was like somebody took out 10 billboards in Times Square and it was screaming at me. No, no, no, no, no. And I just was like, nope, I'm gonna go in. My two best friends that are like my chosen sisters were both like, we can't, you know, we can't trust him. Like, this is bad. But I went anyway. Got in the car, mama, baby girl, two horses, three cats, mood crest country, didn't know a single person here, other than you know, my father. And uh, but we got here and it was it was a little fairy tale-ish at the beginning, I have to say. Like my parents were hanging out, we were all hanging out and we making big family dinners, going up to the the mountain in the weekends with the horses, and I was, you know, really getting excited about taking this studio and this family business. And I I was so proud of myself because there hadn't been really any movement, and I got a contract with Sky Mall magazine. Do you remember Delta Airlines used to have Oh my gosh, Delta Airlines, don't bring me back there 15 years ago? And I was so excited that our like my candles and my towers were gonna be in Sky Mall. And I just felt really excited about it. Again, pit in stomach, something's not right, don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just adjusting to being here and it's just all so new. Like six, seven months we've been here, and it was December 1st, and we were getting ready to send the mailers out for holiday season. And this guy had come to pick them up, and this guy had been working there, you know, kind of running the day-to-day stuff the year before I was there. So anyway, he came to pick up the mailers because he had dealt with it last year. And all of a sudden, I hear all this noise in the front. And I I turn around and I was gonna go out into the front of the studio, and all of a sudden I am surrounded, guns pointed to my head, federal agents, and I'm put in handcuffs.

SPEAKER_02: 12:41

Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 12:42

So needless to say, my baby girl, nine years old, was supposed to be home from school with a new friend for the first time. My mom had gone to get them in like 20 minutes, and I am crying, and I don't know what's going on. And there is all of this chatter about they've been watching and investigations, and the guy that was there picking up the mailers was a huge part of that. But anyway, it was and we don't have time to get into the whole detail, but let's just say at that point and what happened after that. Now I'm in California. I have now no business, which means there's no income. I now have no this person that I've had this fantasy of having this relationship with, my father, the biggest betrayal you could ever imagine, right? Who does that? So now I have to make another decision. We could go back to Minnesota in a heartbeat, or I can keep my promise that I made to my little girl because I moved around a lot when I was little and it was really hard. So we stayed and several hundred thousand dollars of debt later, figuring it out and going into another industry and coaching for real estate, doing all the things. But in that process of feeling either so ragefully angry or so devastatingly sad, back to therapy, writing him letters that I never sent because classic narcissist, you cannot feed the fire. And again, like I was either angry or sad. Um, I couldn't really be present. There wasn't a lot of joy. I mean, it was always joy with Maddie, but I was so consumed by this whole situation. And, you know, for two years, every time I heard a noise, I was certain someone was coming to get me because the DEA was like, you know, you could lose Maddie. We know that you weren't a part of this, but you're a part of it because you're here. And I mean, it just was insane. So again, back in therapy for a few months and having that just like you get to a point, a certain point, where you're just like, I'm so sick of this story. Like, I'm I don't want to talk about it anymore. But for most people, that's what we've been told that we have to do to unpack it and work through it and da-da-da-da-da. Which I'm here to tell you that is not actually. So at some point in there, there was somebody introduced me to something that was a little spark of then what became my intellectual property, my frameworks, my methodology, ultimately my life's work. And in a matter of weeks, there were things about me, parts of me that I didn't recognize and all the best room. And I fully forgave my father, but he doesn't get a seat at the table. I haven't spoken to him in years. He doesn't get access. But I was able to literally, for an alchemical forgiveness, you know, standpoint, be like, look, this isn't mine to carry. And you know your actions no longer get to control and consume my emotions, my thoughts, my behavior, my decisions. And it just is so freeing because forgiveness isn't about the person and it doesn't justify or let them off the hook or make it okay. It's about us, right? It's that old saying, I'm gonna drink this bottle of poison and hope to God you die. And it doesn't work out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when we can actually forgive, and this is a big point of contention, I will say, when clients come to me, especially post-divorce or whatever, and they're like, or you know, or family situation, they're like, I don't why would I forgive them? No way. And I'm like, if you don't, you're there's there's really not anything for us to talk about. And we go we do forgiveness work together in a way that number one, then they understand that, but we do it in a way that changes perception. And it is so freeing because when we don't forgive, then that's we're we drink the poison every day. And it does, it eats you alive. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:19

So I think I think understanding forgiveness too is another thing. I think for a long time I didn't understand forgiveness because I think some people think forgiveness means having a relationship with that person that caused you the pain in the heart and you know, but that's not what it is, and I think that's the misunderstanding because I think a lot of people can say, Oh, you well, you only have one to have. Like you have to have a relationship with your father. You know what I mean? All the people that make you feel guilty for your decision, right? But I think the misconception is like forgiveness is for you so that you can move on with your life because this is holding you back, right?

SPEAKER_01: 16:59

So yeah, and you know, that whole thing around, of course, there's been people that have said that to me, right? You know, like you you only you know, he's he's you're so lucky he's alive, you could still have a relationship with him. And what I say to that is, you know, family is DNA, yes, but just because they're DNA to me, if it's not healthy and if it's if it's not in integrity, that doesn't mean much to me. My chosen family are not DNA, and they're more my family than you know anything else. So it is a it is a very big misconception in the world that if you forgive somebody, that means you're letting them off the hook. And when people can actually let that misconception go, it changes things for them, sure. Then that led the deep dive of and then the creation of the work because honestly, I did this, I created all of this first for me because let me tell you, I was so I felt so broken. I was, you know, I had a couple relationships after my I was divorced for a long time, and then I had, I don't even know if I call one of them a relationship. It was silly long distance, and then one, you know, a few years after I moved here, both of which were so far from anything that was okay. But I was so certain that I needed to make myself small or not let those things bother me. Or I mean, it was it was crazy. And I look back at that, and it was again, when we talk about gratitude, it has to be for all of it, right? It can't just be for the good stuff. So had I not come here and had this horrific, traumatic experience, none of this would have happened. And next month, we are celebrating our two-year wedding anniversary to the my greatest love of my life. He is the most loving, thoughtful, incredible, generous. I couldn't have handpicked a better husband. But, you know, we've been together six years. We took it very, very slow. We were both really focused on our children when we met, and it just, I feel like we did it right. And I was actually having a conversation with my media team earlier, and we were talking about this because we were talking about things that people don't necessarily say out loud, but that you think about. And so we were talking about extraordinary love, right? And so when I share with you, I had these relationships that were still the opposite of that. And I knew that there were certain things that I would dream about of what I wished or thought extraordinary love looked like and what I would want for me. And one of those things is my gift, my love language is gift giving. I love giving gifts, I love surprising people, I love planning things. And I always wanted somebody to do that for me. So in my marriage and in this other relationship, basically I had to plan everything. And then if it was something coming up that was special, I couldn't just, you know, depend on them to do anything about it. I basically have to say, okay, let's do this, and then fine, it's my birthday, it's whatever. So my husband, who never, ever, ever in his previous marriage had any a relationship like we do in any way, shape, or form, she really Could care less about any of his needs or desires or wants. So it's for him too, very isolated, lonely marriage. But you know, he's gonna he's traveling so much. So he's working in London right now, Amsterdam next week, home for two days. And that last week of October, or the week before that, the week of the 20th, he's gonna be in Dubai and Saudi Arabia for 10 days. I'm in New York for a conference for 10 for five days, six days. And we both come home on the 25th. Our anniversary is the 27th. So a week or so ago, he said, or he told me, or a couple weeks ago, I got a calendar invite. Well, I was in the middle of a client session, I saw it pop up, and it's a calendar invite from my husband or three days away for our anniversary. And this is what I mean by extraordinary love and love that's worthy of you and love that meets you where you are. Because you know, you've created a life. A lot of people have been successful in all these other areas: career, kids, maybe friendships, all the things except this one piece. And they're like, why can't I, why do I keep dating the same person? Why do I keep finding myself in the same situation? And it all starts here. But mindset, affirmations, vision boards, none of it matters if you don't take care of that internal neurology and and clearing out all that stuff at an unconscious level because otherwise it's just there. And and you can't actually solve the problem. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00: 21:22

Diva tonight, glamour for your ears. This is 40, a female perspective.

SPEAKER_02: 21:28

No, it makes sense. And I I understand it. I I think it's just hard to grapple because um it's not something that you hear about all the time. But I think the one thing about the mind is is just how it is and how it works, and just this practice that you've, you know, you've mastered. So, in terms of like how you've learned how to teach this way of thinking, what is your background in that?

SPEAKER_01: 21:54

Yeah, it's it's more about clearing all all the stuff that doesn't serve you and keeps you from being the true you, and then replacing the old neurology and strategy and behavior that we blew out, because that's where a lot of this work fails people. And it's maddening to me because so much of this personal development world is It is a yeah, where I'm dealing with that now, yeah. Right. And it's all about awareness and clarity. And that's great. Those are the foundation pieces for any kind of growth, transformation, healing, whatever you want to call it. But the problem is, is 99% of people don't give you the skills to go with the knowledge. So people have these moments and these aha's, and they're all like we talked about earlier in our conversation. But then the reason that they go back to where they started is because the unconscious mind can't fill in the blank. So if you're gonna get rid of all this stuff, you have to replace it with something else. Otherwise, the unconscious mind can only go back to what it knows. So then in creating and replacing all of that neurology and then reverse engineering your goals so that you get to, you know, install that on your timeline so your brain actually gets to experience it as though it's happened, which ignites the reticular activating system in your brain to be laser focused, looking for the people and the resources and the experiences and the opportunities that you actually want in your life instead of this continuous round robin of continuing to attract and find yourself in the same situations.

SPEAKER_02: 23:17

So for me, like I just want to know why would anyone want to do? I think I'm sure other people have asked you that, right? Or just in like contested, like, no, I don't, you know, why is this gonna be something that's gonna help me stop this vicious cycle?

SPEAKER_01: 23:33

Yeah. So just to be clear, this is not like a coaching program. This is not a group thing, there's no modules.

SPEAKER_02: 23:40

This is not a program.

SPEAKER_01: 23:42

So this this is not, and this is not for everybody. This is not for the woman who is has not done any work yet on herself. This is not for the woman who's in crisis, who who needs that that first piece. I'm the woman that women come to when they've done all the other work. They've read the books, they've gone to the retreats, they've done the therapy, and they're still stuck because all of that can't do this. So it's really actually never been a question that I've been asked before. Oh, it hasn't. Oh, okay. I just want to well on the flip side, what I get a lot is I've done so many programs and had so many therapists, and I don't know that I can be fixed. What if what if I don't do it? What if it doesn't work for me? And what I say to them is listen, you know, you have a lot of evidence because you start things, you don't finish them. So there's a whole self-fulfilling prophecy that what's the point? I start journaling and I'm really good about it for two weeks and then I don't do it. And then I start an exercise thing, and then I start this online course and I start this thing and then I don't do it. So I'm never gonna finish anything anyway. So what's the point? And why would I invest this much time and money? Well, the only way it's not gonna work for you is if you literally don't show up. So this work is you and I together co-creating your life. And when we talk about the clearing, right, the way in which we do that that is unique from probably anyone you've ever met, because there's not very many of us that do quantum time release, but it's a multidimensional technique that has been used for hundreds, probably thousands of years, so that we actually can release all of that energetic weight and use a combination of timeline work and alchemical forgiveness without ever going back to any conscious memory of anything that caused the pain and trauma in the first place. So if you think about every one of these negative emotions, anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, and all of the limiting beliefs and limiting decisions that we've made throughout all our lifetime about ourselves, they each have their own ribbon. So anytime in life after root cause, which none of us have a conscious memory of root cause, then every time we have a significant emotional experience with anger, for instance, a marble goes on the ribbon. Sadness has its own ribbon, right? So something happens today that makes us sad or angry. It's rarely about the thing today. It's the 40, 50, 60 years of marbles. It's that charge, it's that gestalt, it's that buildup. That's what we get to release in quantum time release, right? And when we release that in that way, that is, you know, again, painless and peaceful, it's an unconscious process. There's no painful memories, there's no going back into anything, then we get to have a new relationship with those emotions. And let me be super clear: this is not about not having the emotions or toxic positivity, like, well, I'm just gonna think positive. Okay, well, that doesn't work. It's about creating new relationships with the emotion going forward. And the magical feeling when we do this particular work, and I do a test with you in between each emotion, and I say, okay, now I actually want you to go back to a very specific event in the past in which that emotion was a problem. And I want you to check and see if it still has a charge, though you may realize it does not. And that's where I watch people's whole world change because they're like, oh my goodness, had you asked me about that two hours ago, I would have been either like it would have made me cry, or I would have been pissed off, or I would have felt tightness in my chest, and my hands got clammy. The charge is gone. It's like I cleaned out my pantry the other day. And as a 49-year-old woman with perimenopause and some ADD thrown in, like I love structure and I love organizing, I love lists, I love all those things, but also there's piles that show up all around me. And then sometimes I'm like, I can't, I can't, I'm shutting the door.

SPEAKER_02: 27:36

Wow, you must have read my mind. I was gonna ask you something and you just brought it on. So you have you said you have sorry to interrupt you. Yes. Okay, you said you have ADHD and perimenopause. I have ADHD, which I talk about only once on the show, but I find that's one of the things that makes it hard to complete things because of you get distracted so easily. And so I'm wondering like, how do you work with women like that who are like, okay, I want to do the thing. I do, like I, you know what I mean? But it's harder, it's easier said than done because people don't understand like it's debilitating. Like, oh, just write it in your agenda, just make a list. And like, you know, so many people have heard that all before, and I'm like, yeah, I have an agenda, I have a graveyard agenda. Like, you know what I mean? But it's it's all in your mind, like you said. But even when you clear your mind, there's still some issues like like myself that I have to deal with when it comes to uh living a better life and being accountable and and and all the things like you said.

SPEAKER_01: 28:39

So yeah, but like again, like to to answer that question a little bit, there's nothing for you to do to not finish. Yeah, yeah. So you we're together doing this work. Right. Now, there are a couple of things that I have you do a couple of different times, but it's it's an immersive experience. It's not like, oh, I have to do my homework and send my journal into her tonight, and I don't want to do it. And then I didn't start it, and then I beat myself up about it, and then I was like, oh my god, you're such an idiot. Why don't you just do it like everybody else does it? And then like there's none of that. It doesn't exist in this work.

SPEAKER_02: 29:11

Yeah, yeah. No, I understand the work, but for those who are skeptics, like I'm I'm a little bit of a I'm always I'm always in this skeptics, I'm always gonna ask the questions. I feel like I'm a lawyer. I've always had to do that because with people, like you know what I mean? You said uh the things in the past. But with that said, for someone who's people wants to try this because they've tried other things, and maybe they want to do a little reading on it. Like you have your own website, obviously, where you have information about player to create, right? Like the method itself. But are there other things that you can read that kind of give you the history behind it? Or you know what I mean? Because some some of us just want the meat and potatoes. We want the history, want, we want to know, like just like with mindfulness. I know the doctor of mindfulness is John Cabazin, is like the godfather of mindfulness practice. Like he's been doing this for years. You know what I mean? So obviously there's a history there with that. So the same thing with this.

SPEAKER_01: 30:10

So here's the thing: this is not, there's not like a pamphlet on this. This is not something that's taught at a school. Like I didn't go to Jay Shetty's coaching school, and he gives me your modules now go out and be a life coach. Like that's not um my website does have so the method is the clear to create method, the framework is the how, and that's the quantum pattern protocol. And that is that three-phase, nine-step process. And so I I I you know, we dive in deep on that of like what that is and what that looks like. And there's, you know, there's a masterclass you can watch. You can go to YouTube, you can take the Ellie. So one of the things I would say that I always tell people to start with is I've created a diagnostic that is so incredible and so insightful. I think every human should take it, and it's called the Ellie, which stands for the extraordinary love index. And the question is, is what's standing between you and extraordinary love? And that doesn't just mean romantic love. Like that starts here, right? Yeah for so many of us. And so what it does is it's it's not a uh what Disney princess are you quiz, right? It's 40 questions. And I ask that you just set aside like 10, 15 minutes so you can actually answer the questions thoughtfully, because then what I do is send you a 28-page personalized report with insights in all nine areas that kind of match with my framework. And it tells you all about you impact, trauma, communication, fear, abandonment, dah blah, blah, blah, all the things. But it breaks it down. Like here's your score, here's your trauma score, whatever. Here's what this might mean, here's what it might feel like and what you're experiencing in your world right now. Here's the cost of staying here, and here's some things that you can start doing to help shift that for you. And it's so insightful, it's incredible. And it it gives you insight that you've probably never had. And I actually review all the results, and it's it's interesting to see the data across the board, but I would love to gift your audience the ability to take the Ellie. So that's where I would say start there.

SPEAKER_02: 32:15

Oh, I'll take it. I I'm I have an open mind when it comes to that. I think that's very interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 32:20

Yeah, and as far as and I want to address your your question on the skeptic thing, I'm not here to convince anybody. So I don't, it's like I'm when I have a call with somebody who's interested in doing this work, and they're we're at the end of that time, and and sometimes I make the invitation for them to do the work, and sometimes I don't, because I only work with people that I believe are at that like line in the sand moment where between now and dead, they want different, they've done all this other stuff and nothing changes. So energetically, because it's such a big exchange from me to you and vice versa, this isn't just like it's an ad, it's a it's by invitation to do this work. So, but if I do make the invitation and say, listen, I fully believe that this work was designed for you and this is exactly what will help you get what you want in the world. And then they're like, well, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, look, I'm I have no desire to convince you of anything. My intention for this call is for you to leave better than you came, and for you to leave being able to make a clean yes or a clean no decision. Because here's the thing, and part of this work is getting clarity around values, non-negotiables, desires. And I will tell you, most ambitious heart-led women, the reason they never get what they want, truly, is because they don't have clarity in the way in which we get clarity. It's like going to a restaurant and ordering a beverage, a protein, a salad, and a salad. And they bring you an iced tea, a pork chop, some carrots, and a Caesar. You wanted a glass of Chardonnay, a beautiful piece of salmon, some roasted asparagus, and an arugula salad with figs and goat cheese. You see the difference. Yeah. That part of the clarity. So before you can clear and create any of that, you have to get that level of clarity. So I teach people how to make values-driven decisions because when you can make a clean yes and a clean no, you are out of the middle, which is the devil, which is the maybe, which is where all the friction, drama, noise, and decision fatigue lives because we don't trust ourselves, because these all the stuff that has happened, and we're like, well, is this the right thing? Is it not the right thing? Is this a red flag? Am I just being too picky? And then you go back and forth and you do one of two things. You make a decision based on fear, or you just you just don't do anything at all and you get paralyzed. So I usually when people have come to me, they've seen me on Instagram or they watched a master class or they listened to podcasts. Those are my favorite calls, I will tell you. My favorite clients in the entire world all have come from podcasts, hands down. Because if you've just spent 30 or 40 minutes listening to me and it resonated with you that deeply, that's a beautiful conversation, right? So I always want to leave and end with that when I'm on a what we'll if we would call a sales call at the end of the day, right? Yeah, yeah. If I have to convince you, it's just not this, we're not a good fit. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 35:12

No, no, of course. I I think that that's uh goes to said with anything. Like if you don't believe in what you're actually doing, it's not gonna serve you in any way. Like, I mean, some things work, therapy works for some people, other things work. You know what I mean? You have to put in the work at the end of the day. And I think society has taught us that, oh, well, if there's an issue, this is how you deal with. But with that being said, to bring everything all together, because we're talking about women in their 40s, and we didn't focus too much on that. I realize you're 49. You just turned 49 not too long ago. So, as someone who's, you know, going in like next year, you'll be going into the next journey, like the next chapter of your life. What would you say to women in their 40s, like to any one woman who's listening right now, in terms of what you've learned in with your life, like in this stage?

SPEAKER_01: 36:04

So a couple things come to mind. A lot of times when we're faced with things that we don't know how we can see the other side, we we we go to that place of we don't have the resources, time, money, energy, support to be able to do it. The truth is most of the time it's it's a simple lack of tapping into your resourcefulness. So that's one thing. The other thing that's so important is if you're listening to this and you're on a walk or you're in your car and you're thinking, you know, I'm 45 years old, I'm divorced, or I've never been married, whatever it is. Like I never imagined being 45, and this is what life would look like. I imagined this, this, the other. I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. You're not too late, you're not too old, you're not too much, you're ready. And the thing that I would leave you with is just because it's always been a certain way, literally does not have any relevance of what it can be like tomorrow. And the work that I do inside of this intense, it's it's fast. It's it's weeks, right? It's not months and years of craziness. It's fast. And it's it's forever because it's not a band-aid. It's you know, and and again, backed, I just want to say, so nobody says, Oh my gosh, are you anti-therapy? No. All of those things have benefit, they do, but some of them become more of a crutch. And some of them you get attention when you stay in the story from people, like, oh, I'm so sorry. Like, you know what I mean? So they all serve a purpose. So I would never say don't do therapy, because if you haven't done any work, don't, you know, you gotta go do that before you call me. So it's that's not the point. You gotta do those things, but those things aren't the fix, they don't heal you, they don't release the stuff, they don't rewire the neurology, they don't give you the ability to step into this new version of you, where you then get to to go to that final step of claiming. And that is where the magic happens because you get to own it and you get to integrate it and you get to embody it. And as you step into this version of you, you no longer need outside permission. Like you are so clear. You own that powerfully transformation, and this is where you get to fall in love with yourself and trust yourself again and confidently hold boundaries and expertly communicate your needs and really deepen the richness in every single one of your relationships. And then when you integrate that into your relationships, your work, your energy, your decisions, then you get to embody her and you live from her and lead from her and love from her. And you just get to shine in your magnificence because you're at a completely different frequency. And the other thing I would say as we wrap up is that one frequency is important. We didn't talk about it very much today. For instance, for you, Carlene, what's your favorite music? Oh, I love all kinds of music.

SPEAKER_02: 38:49

I love classic rock. My favorite genre. Classic rock's good. Classic rock is good. Yes, I like RB. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 38:57

And what is the type of music you cannot stand?

SPEAKER_02: 39:00

I don't like uh country too much. I mean, I listen to a little bit, but I also don't like hard rock. It's like metallic, like Rob zombie, yeah, Metallica, like Rob. Yeah, I don't like Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_01: 39:13

So here's what I want you to imagine for a moment. Everything you want for your life, your future, your relationships, your health, your wealth, all of it is hanging out up here on classic rock satellite radio channel 111. Okay. Right now, you're kind of in this low vibe and you're coming from a place of fear, and it's all the old story, and there's some victim archetype there, and it's this always happens to me, and blah blah blah. You are stuck on that god-awful Metallica station. And not only can you not turn it off, you can't turn it down. It is just blaring. And here's the truth that's fact. You cannot hear classic rock on the Metallica station. So, what do you have to do? Well, you have to raise the frequency, right? When we turn the radio, we change the frequency up to the classic rock because we don't get what we want. We Get who we are. And your job is to raise that frequency to that classic rock. And so that's again a huge part of this work that we do together really early on, because there's all these parts and pieces that change the game. And, you know, it's not about a journal or a worksheet or a it just isn't. So it's it's neuroscience mixed with like a little bit of magic and fairy dust and a lot of love from me and a lot of lived experience. And I've helped hundreds of women, but it's not even just about the women. It's about I see the ripple. I see what is going to change generationally for their children and grandchildren, their friend circle, how they show up and occur in the world, how they get, you know, outside of this work comes really a master's in communication because I'm going to teach you the NLP model of communication. It changes everything. So it literally is the way to change not only this person, but everyone close to them. And then that ripples into the community, and then ultimately the world. It's a lot. It's a lot of work.

SPEAKER_02: 40:57

It's a lot. It sounds like it's it's a lot to think about for sure. And so we with this, where can we find you? I know you're you're uh Rihanna Malia.com. I mean you're also on Instagram.

SPEAKER_01: 41:09

Yeah. So Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook, all at Rihanna Malia and Rihanna Malia.com. And I encourage you all to go to the website or to the bio and LinkedIn, whatever. Go take the Ellie. I'm telling you, you're gonna be blown away. So go take the Ellie. Let me know what came out of that for you. And you know, after you take the Ellie, you'll have an opportunity to fill out an application if you want to schedule a call. And if it's a fit, then that's my gift to you to have that conversation.

SPEAKER_02: 41:39

Sure. Well, thank you so much for being so insightful and sharing your knowledge. I know you definitely have experience with this. I mean, the fact that you've been on so many different podcasts, and what did I miss out? You are you were named New York Weekly's Top 30 Empowering Women Entrepreneurs to Watch in 2025. So kudos to you, Diana. I wish you all the best and happy early anniversary, but still early. Thank you so much for being a guest on Diva Tonight. And if you enjoy this conversation, send me a DM or uh follow the show at Diva on the radio, or you can follow the show at diva tonight.bussprout.com. And thank you so much again, Rihanna, for sharing your knowledge in this kind of feel like breathtaking kind of work. Because I I feel like I'm, you know, absolutely come up. Yeah. Go go dive in. Go dive in, go peek around, go try it out for sure. All right, thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 42:40

Diva Tonight with Carlene will be back. Send us a message on Instagram at Diva underscore tonight.