From Self-Doubt To Unshakable Confidence Through Motherhood And Risk

We talk with Simone Kinego about building real confidence in midlife, from surviving chaos at home to choosing the brave thing when self-doubt is loud. We connect the dots between patience, adoption, community support, and the mindset shift that turns “not enough” into “I can do hard things.” 

• managing a busy household by practising patience and staying calm when things go wrong 
• learning resilience from a trailblazing mother in medicine and carrying forward that legacy 
• giving yourself permission to change your mind on careers and still commit to what matters 
• building a podcast with consistency and showing up as your real self 
• finding your “Kilimanjaro” and using challenges to transform self-belief 
• asking for help without shame and letting your community show up 
• adopting three children and growing a family with intention 
• staying grounded through meditation, positive affirmations, gratitude, and self-care 
• breaking down Simone’s REAL method for confidence and why confidence is a skill 
• why phone calls still matter for clear communication and real life problem-solving 

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Transcript

Welcome To Diva Tonight

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're listening to Diva Tonight with Carleen Humphrey, a relationship podcast with a focus on life, love, and friendship. Welcome to Diva Tonight.

Carlene 0:12

Hi, I'm Carleen, and this is Diva Tonight. I have with me Simone Canego. So you are an author and motivational speaker, and you have a full household. And from what I've learned, you are also going to be an MT Nester soon. So how does that feel?

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Uh scary, but also exciting. I mean, you know, honestly, our our youngest is 18 now, so she's actually gone a lot because of after-school activities and everything and work. So I'm I'm prepared, I'm ready for it. I mean, it's gonna be sad, but I'm also gonna be a grandmother this year. So, like it's balancing. It's balancing.

Raising Six Kids With Patience

Carlene 0:58

Yeah. And so you you know how to tackle a household. I think in my experience with having many guests who have various lives, you and I have one thing in common. I'm the oldest of four, five girls. So my mom has five girls, so I know all about a busy household and and just the craziness of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

The chaos, yeah. Chaos, yes. And I I think I thrive on chaos. I mean, we have six kids, so you know, every day is exciting.

Carlene 1:28

Yeah, there's never a dull moment. So as a mom of six, how do you tackle it all? You just go.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

I mean, you know, I there's there are plenty of days where I'm like, okay, I don't want to adult today, but um, that's not really an option, right? I mean, I have to get up, I have to do all the things. And again, the patience thing is a big part of it. Something I learned along the way with having six kids is that's like one of the most important qualities that I've, you know, that I've I would say skill, because I don't think I was born this way. I had to learn it, right? You have to practice patience. And so I think that's one of the biggest things that really kind of plays into our house is that, you know, things are gonna go wrong every single day. And I can freak out about them all I want, but you know, that's not gonna help. So what does help is taking a step back and saying, okay, what do I need to do about this?

Growing Up With A Doctor Mom

Carlene 2:20

Yeah. From listening to other shows that you've been on, the one thing I I realized is that I think your mother was a big influence on your upbringing, and that probably helped you foster the way you are today. So, based on your own family and you know, growing up with a very ambitious mother, what was that like?

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Yeah, it's interesting actually looking back. So, you know, when I was a kid, I really just thought, oh, my mom's a doctor. So my mom went to medical school in 1961. There were 120 people in her class, five of them were women. And so for me as a kid, I was like, oh yeah, she's a doctor. Like I didn't think that, oh, it's a big deal. Now I'm like, she was a doctor. But yeah, I it was it was hard for her because, you know, she was constantly told that she's in a man's world and that her voice didn't matter. And so she brought a lot, a lot of that home with her, not in a negative way that would like affect us negatively, but just really opening our eyes to what it was like for her. You know, she was constantly reading the next self-help book and trying to figure out how to, you know, how to get her point across in a lot of situations. Even when she was in medical school, she was told that it's not fair that she's there. She took a man's place and she should leave. And, you know, when you're constantly told things like that, it's very hard to feel great about yourself. But, you know, she did everything. She cooked, she sewed our clothes when we were little, and and she was a physician all at the same time. So uh definitely uh big shoes to you know look up to and I don't want to say even fill because that's pretty impossible.

Changing Paths Without Shame

Carlene 3:58

Yeah. So I guess in a way, it's kind of like leaving like the family legacy, right? And so with that being said, you you have a background and you obviously went to school to become a certified accountant, right? Correct, yes. Yeah. And so what was the experience like leading through like your childhood that made you decide that that was something that you were going to do?

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Oh, I I I did not want to do that. So I I actually my plan was to go to medical school, and then I took organic chemistry and I failed it, and I took it again and got a D. And you know, you need organic chemistry to be actually to be able to get into medical school. So that was no longer an option. I wanted to be an actress, and they don't even say actress anymore, they say actor. I wanted to be an actor, and my dad was like, accounting, it is. So I went into accounting because I was good at math. And I passed the CPA exam on the first try. I said that if I don't pass it, I'm not gonna take it again. But I did. And, you know, I only worked for a couple of years in accounting because I didn't love it. My best friend from college, she is a partner at one of the big accounting firms, and she stuck with it. Like she really, she's passionate about it, and she's super successful, you know, across the board, but in that field, because she really stuck with it. And I think so much of what we do, it's like that the commitment that we need to make and commitment to ourselves, commitment to what we're doing. I I'm a big believer in changing your mind, though. I mean, I've changed my mind so many times, and what I'm doing now is what I absolutely love, which is keynote speaking, having a podcast with my 23-year-old daughter, writing, and coaching other women.

Podcasting With Your Daughter

Carlene 5:43

Yeah. And that's and and that goes to show I think it it stems from the fact that like, even though our parents want us to do certain things, I think my my parents wanted me to be a a lawyer at some point. And I'm like, I thought about it. I'm like, I'm not gonna go to law school. That's not something I enjoy doing. And you know, I I went to school for English, and so I think I somewhat did my passion when it came to that, but I think the assumption is that when you study English, that you're gonna become a teacher, which is something I didn't do. And so I look back and I think it's just like a learning experience. Like you said, you're always changing, changing your mind. Like I mean, changing what you're gonna do. And and so as a podcaster, what have you learned in your experience with doing your podcasts with your daughter?

SPEAKER_02 6:31

I would say number one is be yourself, right? I mean, uh we we really don't edit too much because we say stupid things all the time, and you know, that's a good thing because we're human. And I would say number two is that it's the long game, right? You know, there's so many podcasts out there, but it's about sticking with it and being it's the consistency, dropping an episode the same day of the week, and because that's what people like. Like they want to say, okay, it's Tuesday, I'm getting an episode today. Um, instead of like when we first started, we didn't know what we were doing. We were like, oh, let's do an episode this week, oh, let's not do one this week. It's really hard. It's like a business, like you can't build something if you don't commit to it. And so that's one of and even if you drop an episode once a month, that's fine. It's just you should do it the same day every month. And you know, and also how fun it is to just be out there talking to new people and seeing what they do in their lives. And it's been so interesting to meet, you know, I've met probably 500 people now between our podcast and other podcasts I've been on. And it's really cool to kind of just put yourself out there and say, okay, look at all how interesting these people are. And I would have never met them, and you know, there's I mean, in any other realm, right? Like the podcast realm is so so different. We don't live in the same town, but we can connect um, you know, across the world.

Carlene 8:02

You've met 500 people. Wow. And what have we learned?

SPEAKER_02 8:08

I mean, that's a wow. So I would say that everybody struggles. I haven't met one person that has said, Oh, I don't struggle with anything. So, you know, I've been on a lot of podcasts that have uh male hosts, same thing. We all struggle, but just how interesting people are. I think that's the the coolest part. You know, sometimes I'll be on someone's podcast and I'm like, I have I have like 10 questions to ask you once we get going, you know. But yeah, I just there's everybody's doing their best, right? I think that's another thing is like, okay, we're we're trying to find our place in the world, and sometimes we do have to change our minds many times before we find it.

Carlene 8:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you said you have to be consistent with podcasting and and you know, finding the time. So as a mom, a podcaster, and a keynote speaker, how do you manage your time with podcasting?

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Oh, it's a lot. Yeah. I have an assistant that helps. Well, she's my assistant, so she helps with other stuff too, but she does the editing for the podcast. Um, so my daughter and I record, and you know, we have to record it, it depends. Every week is different because she's a law student. So her schedule is sometimes crazy, and my schedule is crazy, you know. So it's a lot, you know, it takes a lot of time to record, to edit, to, you know, get all the and the and the background stuff, right? When you're editing when you're interviewing somebody, you, you know, you need to look into their background to see what they're all about so that you can ask questions that your listeners really want to know the answers to. And so that takes a lot of time too.

A Turning Point In Your 40s

Carlene 9:50

Yeah, it does. And so with that said, let's um the key focus of my series is women in their 40s. And so when I turned 40, I started this journey and I've met 29 women. And like you said, everyone does struggle. And I feel like we're all on a path to wherever we want to go with our path, you know what I mean, in life. And so, as a mom, an author, and a keynote speaker, what have you learned in this chapter of life?

SPEAKER_02 10:23

So I had a really big uh turning point when I was 42 years old. I am someone that struggled with self-doubt from for the majority of my life and always worried about what everybody else was thinking, and I'm not doing enough, and you know, I'm not good enough, whatever it was, I'm not pretty enough, not skinny enough, all the things. And uh when I was 42 years old, I was asked to do something completely out of my comfort zone, and that was to climb a mountain. And so I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in 2015. I'm not a climber, I am not a fitness guru kind of person. I mean, trust me, I want to be in shape, but uh I live in Florida, right? Uh, we're at sea level, and Kilimanjaro is 19,341 feet. So it was a pretty big adventure. But what came from that was realizing what I was capable of. So it was such a turning point in my life. And I always ask people, what's your Kilimanjaro? Like it doesn't have to be a mountain, right? It's like the mountain in your life, the thing that you need to tackle. And for me, it was self-doubt and figuring out how to move forward. And that's what that mountain gave me was the opportunity to really see what I was capable of and that I didn't need to worry about what anybody else is thinking. And I didn't need to change who I was. And, you know, that's a that's a big thing that I like to say to other women is that you don't need to change who you are. You need to change the way you see yourself. And I think our younger years were also focused on you gotta change this, you gotta change that. And as we get a little bit older and wiser, uh, we realize that that isn't what's important in life, right? It's about being who we are because each one of us brings incredible value to the world.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Diva tonight, glamour for your ears.

Carlene 12:06

Yeah, that's amazing though. I I think that's like the turning point where you're like you start to reflect on life. And I think for me, when I turned 40, I don't know if you had like a big birthday party um when you turned 40 or if you had like a milestone. But what was nice is like when I was sitting at the dinner table and I saw like my my family, like you know, my sisters were there, not all of them in one's uh way, but to see everyone there, it kind of put everything into retrospect is like wow, you know, all these people are here to celebrate my birthday. And it makes you realize that like it does take a village, it does take um a community of people to help you when you're when you're up and when you're down, right? So it's definitely a time where you reflect a lot, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yeah, I think so often we feel like we're the only one that struggles or we're in this alone, and if we ask for help, that's showing weakness, but it's totally not true. I mean, everybody needs help, and people want to help. That's the other thing, too, is that we're so worried. Oh my gosh, if I ask for help. No, ask for help. Like people want to help you. I mean, I've really realized that over time. I mean, I used to try to do everything by myself with six kids, and why? I didn't need to, you know? Ask for help, people will come help.

Adoption And Building A Big Family

Carlene 13:23

Yeah. And so, like even with your kids. So you have like three kids of your own, and then three kids that you adopted. And what made you decide to to go to that um step of like adopting, you know? Because that's a good in itself, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Yeah, yeah. So we we had talked about it actually in between our first two kids. There's actually four years in between our oldest and our and our second. And then of course I found out I was pregnant. And we we at the time, this is what we thought, and it's what we still think. There are so many amazing kids in the world waiting for a family to love them, and we wanted to be that family. So we, I mean, I could have had more biological kids. And it's interesting because when we first decided that we were going to adopt, and we told our friends, they were like, they didn't get it. They were like, why? You could have another kid. And when we adopted our son Noah, the first picture we got of him, so he was four months old when we brought him home, but it was a picture of him in this beautiful white gown, and it had a number, like a number that on a piece of paper that was across the gown. And that was his identification. Like that's how the the agency referred to him is by his number. And so that was when my friends were like, Oh my gosh, we get it. Like, we totally get it now. And you know, did we think we were gonna do it three times? No. But we after we adopted someone. I know, right? After after we adopted Noah, we decided to adopt again. And so Noah's from South Korea, and when we decided to adopt again, my husband my husband's 10 years older than me. We've been married for 32 years, and so he was the oldest parent, couldn't be older than 43 years old. And he was 43 when we adopted our our son Noah. And so we looked at other countries and we fell in love with Ethiopia. And so we adopted our son Ari when he was four and a half years old, and Millie was when she was two and a half years old. And after when we went to bring Ari home, we already knew once we were there that we were gonna come back one more time because there were just so many amazing kids waiting for a family. And we said, okay, so a year later we decided to put in paperwork again and start the process. And then and we had actually uh requested a little boy again because we, you know, it was such a great experience to watch him, you know, at four and a half years old. Uh, you know, he has memories, he's got all the things, and they matched us with a little girl who was two and a half years old. And uh we call Millie our grand finale because she completes us as a family. She was the last seat in the minivan, and the minivan was full, and we were done.

Carlene 16:00

That's amazing. And so where are they now? Like in terms of like how what grade they're in, like how they're progressing, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

So Noah, so they're not in birth order because Noah was a baby when he came home and Ari was four and a half years old two years later. So Noah is a freshman away at college at University of North Florida. Ari is a junior at High Point University, and Millie is a senior in high school. And so there's the empty nest piece that's coming up as this is her last year, and we don't know where she's going yet, but some are great because she's an amazing kid.

Practices That Keep You Grounded

Carlene 16:38

Wow. What a journey. Yeah. It's amazing, right? How they always say time flies, right? And it really does. Like, what keeps you grounded when the chaos is happening?

SPEAKER_02 16:53

So I have practices that I do. I mean, again, my whole brand is about helping women build confidence. And so I have different, you know, meditations that I do. I do positive affirmations, I do evening gratitudes. Like when it's really chaotic, I'll be like, okay. Uh, and and it doesn't get that way anymore because they're older. But when they were little, I'd be like, okay, mom is not here anymore. I am done for the night, you know, so I'm going to take a break. Yeah. They got it, you know, they got it. And you know, they they're also with having older siblings, like there was always someone that could help with something if I was, you know, doing something for myself, which again, I think is so important is that no matter where you are in life, that that piece of self-care, understanding how important it is in terms of self-respect to take time for yourself, to understand what you need and not just be the person who gives everything away and then has nothing left for yourself.

The REAL Method For Confidence

Carlene 17:49

Yeah, definitely. Well, that being said, though, you were you mentioned that you have a new book coming out. Is that right?

SPEAKER_02 17:56

Yes. Um so my first book uh was called The Extraordinary, Unordinary You. And that one was all about realizing what you're capable of and recognizing that the little things you do every day matter. That one came out in 2020. Perfect timing, right in time for COVID. Yeah. Um right in the middle of it. It was it was kind of a mess, you know. Um then my my second book is called Real Confidence, a simple guide to go from unsure to unshakable. So very excited for that book. That has to do with my real method, which um stands for respect yourself, embrace your failures, ask yourself what you want, and live without limits. And there's a lot in there, but it, you know, again, I think the book is really a practical way to build confidence. I think a lot of times we look at confidence and think that it's something other people have and we just don't. And it's not. It's a skill that you build just like any other skill, just like learning a foreign language, just like going to the gym and lifting weights. It's not something that just happens overnight and it's not something you're born with. It's something that you have to work at. Any kind of thing with your mindset you have to work at.

Carlene 19:02

Yeah. And and you know, I think I've heard you say that you didn't really want to like have ambitions to write a book. And a lot of people were like, but you you're a mom and you've you climbed Filmajaro. Yes, exactly. And so you wrote one book and now you've written a second book. And so the process in itself, was this a vision? What what what brought on the second book?

SPEAKER_02 19:32

The second book was really because I I've had so many women, especially in coaching, ask me like, how do you let the things go? How how are you able to move forward without stressing about every single thing or not feeling like you're enough? And and so after I climbed Kilimanjaro, I realized that my transformation, you know, I wanted to look back and make it repeatable for other women. And that's where I came up with real. And I started with, you know, self-respect because I think it's foundational to everything we do, like being able to set boundaries, being able to say no without feeling guilty, you know, the self-care piece, the way we talk to ourselves, the way we talk about ourselves, right? The things that we say to ourselves sometimes, those are we would never talk to our best friend that way. But why would we talk to ourselves that way, right? We have to live with ourselves forever. We need to be our own best friend. And understanding that women really wanted more information. Like, okay, how do I, how do I build confidence? I just thought it was something other people had, you know, and and this is this is how you do it. So that was kind of the reason behind writing the book. And it was it was a hard book to write to write. And you know, there's a lot of vulnerable stories in there, and and there's other people's stories too, really like people that really have kind of changed the way I see things in my life. And, you know, it's just it's again a labor of love. Writing the book is one thing, getting out into the world is a whole nother ballgame.

Carlene 20:59

I met an author who said that the book is it's not something that's gonna make you a ton of money, but it's more of uh something for yourself. And what do you think of that?

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Yeah, I mean, you don't make unless you're a celebrity or a, you know, uh an author who writes series of books that you know are really famous. You just don't make money off of a book. I mean, it's too it everything is so expensive. You have to run ads, and yeah, it there's so many pieces to it. For me, it's about getting my message out there, it's about credibility, right? I mean, it's so that people see that I'm standing behind the things that I'm talking about, right? I'm not just saying things like I have done my research there, but yeah, it's interesting because a lot of people are like, oh, you're gonna make millions of dollars. It doesn't work that way. Every everybody takes their everybody takes their cut and there's not much left at the end. So, you know, again, it's more about that just helping other women realize what. They're capable of.

Book Launch Plans And Where To Find

Carlene 22:01

Yeah. That's amazing though. With the book on the way and everything happening with that, are you planning to do a book tour?

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Yeah, I have a couple of things coming up and then we're gonna schedule some more. But you know, I'm doing a book launch event in obviously my hometown, and then I'm going to Nashville for another one. And a friend of mine is doing some really fun ones. So I thought, you know, I'll probably do something similar where it's like, I you tell me you want me there, and I'll show up and you know, just sign books. So whoever wants me, I'll I'll come there.

Carlene 22:38

So that's cool. I think I'll have to think about that. With everything you do, you are a keynote speaker, a podcaster, and I guess do you you help women as well? So for anyone who's listening and and you know, they maybe they want to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. You know what?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Whatever your mountain is, I'm here to help you with it. Oh my gosh, I like that. I like that.

Carlene 23:03

Simone, where can my listener find you?

SPEAKER_02 23:08

So best way to find best place to find me is my website, SimoneKenego.com, which is S-I-M-O-N-E-K-N-E-G-O. Social media is all Simone Canego, except for Facebook is speaker Simone Canago because I have a personal page too, which is Simone Canago. And the podcast that I have with my daughter is called Her Unshakable Confidence. And we drop an episode every Tuesday. And then you can find my book at realconfidencebook.com. There's a bunch of bonuses on there when you put in your order number. So go take a look at it.

Why Picking Up The Phone Matters

Carlene 23:39

Yeah, I have one question. So we're short on time, but I was listening to your last episode, and you guys are talking about communication. And this generation finds it so hard to pick up the phone. I thought that was very interesting. I was like, there's some way I gotta bring this up because we are in the age of technology, and the phone, I don't know. I there's something about, you know, like we're we're we're a text nation, like we're texting is easier than picking up the phone. And I think there was something that you were saying to the guest about that, and how I don't know who it was, but they the student loan office was trying to communicate with them. And instead of picking up the phone to call to settle the issue, she took half a day off work, drove down.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Yeah, there. I mean, people are so afraid of talking on the phone. I just don't understand it. It's something that I made all of my kids do. So now when they're like, Oh, I have an issue, I was like, Well, call them, you know, don't again, there's so much lost in translation when you text somebody. And these are skills that you're going to need in a job, right? I mean, not not that many people sit in a cubicle all day long and just type on a computer, right? They make phone calls, they go out into the wild and have to talk face to face with people. But, you know, trust me, my when my kids were younger, they're like, oh, that's scary. I'm like, no, it's not. People actually want to help you, and they're so shocked when you call instead of send a text message because they're like, oh wait, oh, someone, someone knows how to do that still. It's so interesting and it's so important that we, you know, we still do things like that. I mean, yes, there are days where I'm like, it's so much easier to shoot a quick text instead of because as soon as you get on a call, it's a longer conversation. But there's a time and a place for everything, and you know, we need to learn how to communicate properly so that we can move forward in the things that we want to do in our lives.

Closing And How To Stay Connected

Carlene 25:38

Well said. I think this might be a conversation, another conversation to have with you, because there's so many things that I can say about that, but maybe it's to be continued, obviously. But it's true. I think it is important to pick up the phone. I I got a job because I picked up the phone. Yeah. I didn't get my email, somehow it got lost in the crossfire somewhere, but I picked up the phone, had a phone interview, and got an in-person interview. So picking up the phone sometimes is the best thing. I believe. I agree 100%. Yeah, definitely. Well, I like to thank you so much, Kimone Canego, for being a guest on Diva Tonight. I'm Carleen, and this is Diva Tonight with Simone Canego.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Thanks for listening to Diva Tonight. Follow us on Instagram at DivaOnTheRadio. That's D.Va with two eyes. And don't forget to follow us on TikTok at DivaOnTheRadio for more clips and conversations you'll love. Want to share your thoughts or send us a message? Text us anytime at divatonight.bussprout.com. Until next time, stay fabulous.